Life As A Hypochondriac

I remember being a teenager when this all started. I was about 16 years old and so full of life. You couldn’t tell me anything without me thinking I was invincible. Seriously though, nothing could harm me or at least that’s what I thought. I also remember being this young when I first thought I was going to die. I had imagined every worst case scenario and self-diagnosed myself from our best friend Google.

Come to find out, I was NOT dying and I was actually 100% healthy, but why did I work myself up like that? Why did I scare myself to the point I thought I was really going to die? That was the first time I ever felt that scared or worried, but it wasn’t the end. My father got diagnosed with colon cancer not even two years later and this was right before my senior prom and my high school graduation. I remember feeling worried again and terrified my Dad wouldn’t see me graduate. Thankfully he won that round of cancer and got to live for four more short years.

When my father passed away in 2014, my hypochondria only got worse. I had just lost a parent and now I was frightened my days were limited as well. All I did was worry myself sick.

A hypochondriac is a person who is abnormally anxious about their health. They will automatically self-diagnosis themselves with a serious illness no matter how minor their symptom(s) might be. They will go see a doctor with this thought process and brace themselves for the bad news. Sometimes they might even want a second opinion because they don’t trust the feedback. This is me. I am a hypochondriac.

It can be something as simple as a tinyyyy mole on my hand. I’ll start to think things like, “When did that get there?” “Did I always have this mole?” “Fuck, I have skin cancer! Let me go Google some shit so I can see what the internet says.” “Oh shit, I’m fucking dying. I need to schedule an appointment with a dermatologist ASAP!”

This is literally a glimpse of what goes through my mind. This doesn’t include the paranoia and fear that I’m feeling as well. I make myself sick by overthinking and worrying that I have an illness I probably do not have. I’ll even make my mom join in and confirm if she sees anything or if something doesn’t feel right. (She’s a RN so I try to take advantage of her medical knowledge LOL!) She tells me each time that I’m crazy and I need to calm down. I mean I get it, but also I’m so scared of dying from a serious illness at a young age too. It seems like more and more young people are getting sick and it’s hard to watch. I’ll find myself Googling whatever illness I heard so and so had or passed away from and try to educate myself on how not to get it. Sometimes I go overboard and it’s exhausting. (Hence why my mom told me to chill the fuck out LOL.)Β  I know we all get old and our time comes with age, but it’s hard to accept that we might get sick one day. It’s a struggle to think positively when you lost your own father from a serious illness called cancer.

By no means am I saying water down your symptoms, do nothing, and just think everything is okay if you really do find something abnormal, but blowing things out of proportion and thinking you’re going to die each time is draining. Also assuming a minor symptom like a headache is something much more worse is unhealthy.Β  I wish I could find some kind of boundary so I could stop obsessing over my health. I wish I could find some kind of peace where I don’t worry and assume the worst case scenario. I think losing my Dad triggered my hypochondria more, but there’s no doubt that I was a hypochondriac before my father passed away. I just think it gets worse the older I get.

I’m open for suggestions on how others deal with their hypochondria. I would love to stop worrying one day if possible. Please don’t hesitate to share or contact me with ideas. Thank you all for reading!

Xox

La Flare

64 thoughts on “Life As A Hypochondriac

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  1. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles with this. While I can’t give much advice on how to fix it, I can say for a fact that you’re a very strong person for fighting this everyday. You’re not crazy, you just have something that makes you different than others. Try not to tear yourself down or feel bad about it, but try to keep building yourself up. If you aren’t in therapy, I would definitely recommend that, and they can help you access other resources. Good luck on your journey. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I too deal with hypochondria. It comes and goes in waves. For months I am fine and then it hits me! I will say google is NOT our friend in this situation!!! I do my absolute best not to google anything because google will tell us that we are severely sick! In my moments of utter panic I can’t calm myself down. I can’t rationalize anything! It’s really scary honestly and I haven’t quite figured out how to manage in the moment but I do know that not googling has helped as well as not feeling my body as much! I know that we are always supposed to feel certain parts of our bodies , it’s good to do that and I still do but not as much because for me I will find something non existent and I will worry incessantly about it and create something out of nothing.
    It’s always good to know our bodies but us hypochondriacs know our bodies a little too well πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is such a brave thing to talk about. Ive personally never experienced it so I cant comment but I’d say that the fact you recognise you need some support is the first important step xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My advice is to go see a specialist. Hypochondria is a mental health issue that can be treated with the right help. Also, stay away from google. It’s never gonna tell you anything good and only make your fear blow up even more. Not the easiest thing at all, but it’s worth trying.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It is easy to do. For a while back in the 2000s, I thought I had Lupus. I was almost sure of it. A friend of the family even told me that I did not. Finally, I got tested, and I did not have Lupus, Thank God. I went by every little symptom that was part of it.
    It will get better. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this too! I’ve been struggling for around 12 years and it’s very hard. I go the opposite way to you through and ignore things until I have a complete meltdown about how terrified I am and go to the doctors. I ignored a lump for nearly three years once (and got very told off by my doctor haha luckily it was fine). But it’s such a hard thing to live with and when you talk about it people think you’re crazy. Thanks for sharing your story!

    Emily x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely understand! I can be like that too where I’m so worried, i dont want to see a dr. I just monitor whatever it is on my own and hope for the best. Lol i can do both & theyre both exhausting methods, but i cant help it sometimes. Lol ugh! Well i completely get it tho! Thank you so much for reading!πŸ’•

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  7. You are so brave to share your story. I don’t have any advice to offer but by sharing your experience with others you are helping them. You have educated me on how debilitating it can be to consistently think about illness and your own health. I know that I will be more understanding if I come in contact with a person who is a hypochondriac.

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  8. Wow! So real and transparent. The internet while great has become the medical world’s biggest threat. It’s so easy to self diagnose through google nowadays. I do it all the time and give myself anxiety. Thank you for sharing your story!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I struggle with this. I have never been diagnosed as a Hypochondriac but I have been diagnosed with an Anxiety disorder. Whenever someone is sick I think I’m getting sick, and I have emetophobia (fear of throwing up). Whenever I have symptoms I can’t identify the source of my mind goes straight to worse case scenario. The only thing that has really helped me is to remind myself that I’ve thought these things before and everything was fine. I also see the doctor once a year for a full physical & blood-work to cover my bases lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely understand! It’s the worst to assume something bad every time, but i cant help it. I did not know there’s a term for the fear of throwing up! Thank you for sharing that! I can relate to that as well! I feel like throwing up is one of the worst symptoms to have and it’s the main reason i stopped drinking alcohol so much. Have you ever burned your mouth from throwing up? From your stomach acid. It’s fucking horrible! I think i might have that phobia too when & if i drink socially lil

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I thank you for sharing your story. I have somewhat dealt with similar things. My father passed when I was 17 and I do a lot of worrying that I will leave my children too soon. The only advice I can give is to focus in the positives and the good and make healthy choices. Try not to focus on the could be and focus on the happy good things.

      Liked by 2 people

  10. Ooo! I relate to this post so much. Having a nurse for a mum, I ended up watching so many medical programmes which was both a good thing and a bad thing! I grew up always asking my mum if something was okay like a mark or a headache. There was even a time that I gave myself panic attacks because I was so sure I’d be getting a brain tumour after a couple of MRIs. I’m a little better but now have chronic anxiety so fun times! xD

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    1. Lol omg I definitely know EXACTLY what you mean !!! It’s also nice to have mom as a resource since she’s so knowledgeable! I literally had a headache yesterday (i rarely ever get them) and the first thing i thought of was, “why does my head hurt? Is something wrong?” As i feel around for a bump. Like no, im just being crazy again. Lol thank you so much for reading!

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  11. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having to deal with this! I think that easy access to Google can be more harm than good sometimes as it doesn’t really explain the relative risk of some conditions.
    Glad that you’ve got someone to turn to though and I think this is a really interested subject to write about… it shows that people aren’t alone with these feelings!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I’m so sorry about your dad. I’m a hypochondriac too, I don’t remember when it started but it’s been a thing for me my whole life and both my mother and GP are sick of my shit but nothing soothes it, and it gets worse when something happens. Its comforting to know other people go through this too

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I am not a hypochondriac but it was very interesting (and kinda scary tbh) reading how it effects your life. I hope you can find. Way to manage it well.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Thank you for sharing your story. I struggle with anxiety which also sometimes lends it self to hypochondria (especially when find β€œsymptoms” of illness in my children). I don’t have any techniques for coping but I wanted to reach out and say I understand.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Almost all of my closer relatives died of cancer. Somehow, I’m not afraid. I work on observing death from a different angle, especially my own. But let me tell you, self development on that field is not easy. I reached a level where I deeply believe that death is not the end, and that maybe it’s better than this life. I know it sounds weird, but changing how you see death might help you. Read some near death experiences, if you believe in them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is actually really interesting! I wish i could be that optimistic & look at death from a different angle. I also do believe there’s life after death. Like what happens with our spirit? Reincarnation or do we live on as unseen? Can we haunt others? Do we actually go to heaven? Thank you so much for reading!πŸ’•πŸ’–

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  16. Thank you for sharing your story. This was such an insightful post. I suffer with anxiety and find that my thoughts start to spiral on similar things and situations. It is exhausting, so I can completely sympathise xx

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing! This is not something I have struggled with so reading about your experience helps me to understand and have compassion for people who are struggling. My struggle is with trying to be “healthy” so I don’t get sick. I obsess with health (EXPENSIVE air purifiers and water filters, food, etc.). I try to keep it under control but the older I get and the more I learn, the harder it is not to worry and try to be proactive. When I’m faced with “irrational thoughts” the only thing that helps me is to challenge those thought with facts and statistics. I will Google things that help me to dispel what I know I shouldn’t be worried about. (I hope that makes sense.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely understand your worry! I feel as we get older and more educated on what we are putting in our bodies, we often cause anxiety to ourselves. It’s really scary reading some of these ingredients that we digest. There’s also so much information out there, it’s easy to scare ourselves. I know exactly where youre coming from! It truly sucks sometimes when we start “obsessing” 😩😩 thank you sooooo much for reading!πŸ’–

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  18. You’re awesome for sharing this. The one thing I will definitely say is to stay away from Google. I know it’s hard, because I’m guilty of doing this too, but it really does not help (as I’m sure you’ve figured out, LOL). It’s a mindset thing as well. Try and learn some ways to relax and calm yourself whenever you feel like you are slipping into that kind of thought process. Take care of yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. A lot of people use hypochondria as a joke…at least where I’m from anyway, when it is in fact very serious. I really hope you find a way to help yourself, it must be so exhausting.

    Liked by 1 person

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