Always Waiting.

Over the years, it feels like I always had to depend on someone. I always needed somebody to do something with. I could never do it alone and I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember.

I remember specifically my parents taking me places like Disney World or Six Flags when I was younger and I would never engage in the activities. Why? Because I didn’t want to do them alone! I wouldn’t go on any rides or do anything UNLESS my parents held my hand and did it with me. Maybe being an only child was to blame? Maybe it wasn’t.

As I grew up, I feel like I continued to act this way. If my friends couldn’t do something, then I wasn’t going to do it neither. I depended on them the same way I depended on my parents when I was a kid. I really can’t even tell you how many times I didn’t do something just because I didn’t want to go alone. The keyword here is ALONE and honestly, I’m real fucking tired of missing out on stuff because I won’t go by myself. Life is way too short to wait on people. To wait on anyone, really. If there’s anything that is very valuable to me, it’s my time. You’ll never get your time back. Money can’t buy time. And time is never on your side. You know that Kanye song, “Welcome to Heartbreak” and he’s like, “Look back on my life and my life gone. Where did I go wrong?” Well, I don’t want to find myself in those shoes in 10, 15, 20 years from now. I need to live my life regardless what anyone can or cannot do.

With all this being said, I have finally realized IT’S OKAY TO DO THINGS ALONE!!  You can spend time with yourself and learn all about YOU. You can be selfish and no one will judge you for it. You can do whatever the hell you want without having to confirm with someone else if they are on board with your plans. It’s just all about what YOU want to do. It took me 26 years to figure that out, but hey better late than never!

Instead of dwelling on the past and looking back on the things I didn’t do, I’m going to start looking forward to the things I CAN do. One of my really good friends told me I can’t stop living my life because of others. If I want to do something, I should go and do it. She’s really the one who helped me realize doing things alone isn’t so bad. That waiting on others will only hurt you in the long run. Thanks for the guidance, Laura. I really needed that.

I have made the promise to myself to not be held back by others this year. If there’s something I want to do and nobody else is on board, I will do it ALONE. I will stop caring what anyone thinks of me and I will stop thinking I look awkward doing anything by myself. LOL.

Doing things alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely or don’t have any friends. It just means you don’t need others to live your own life.

Xox